The Bipolar View

I'm Moving!

2007-02-15T00:24:00.000-08:00

I'm taking the plunge, and I'm moving the blog! My new address is:

http://thebipolarview.wordpress.com/

Please stop by and help me celebrate a special day! But hurry, before the food runs out!

Twisty's Porn Again

2007-02-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

Twisty wrote something wonderful here. My favorite part:

As we have seen time and time again, two things happen whenever anyone “transgressively” redefines beauty (or sex, or femininity, or motherhood, or anything else popularly believed to be the purview of women). One, the transgressive redefinition only transpires when there is money to be made and flesh to exploit. Two, although it represents only a cosmetic shift in art direction, the new line of sexbot demarcation is touted and accepted as some kind of paradigmatic feminist breakthrough.

This is the type of post we need: razor-sharp, insightful, and informative. This elephant applauds.

Update: Oops, I forgot to say I found out about this post from Pippa.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-02-11T23:05:00.000-08:00

When we first brought Bumble home, I felt badly that he was a single bunny. It would be good for him to have a stuffed friend to keep him company, and I found a website that sold several types of "Bunny Buddies":

The website selects the type of Bunny Buddy for you instead of letting you choose. We ended up with the strangest, freakiest one of the bunch:

Forget the strange ears, they didn't even stamp its face on straight! Not surprisingly, Bumble has spent the last 2.5 years ignoring the odd thing. But recently, something must have happened, for Bunny Buddy has come into its own. Look how Bumble spends part of every evening now:

On Friday, I discovered Bumble in a position he never lays in: head-first in the hutch, giving the bunny butt to Bunny Buddy!

Fortunately, it was a false alarm. He'd gotten mad at his litter box and thrown it, as best he could, across the room. He was giving the bunny butt to the litter box. (Ponder for a moment, the idea of giving the bunny butt to your own toilet.) I'm happy to report that things are still good between Bumble and his freaky friend.

Hypocrisy

2007-02-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

Twisty posted this picture of Donatella Versace:

with this caption: Would you let this trainwreck dress you?

She described Versace as "the yellow-haired, football-faced misogynist designer". Making fun of behavior, including speech, is fair game. After ripping apart Versace's appearance, Twisty then posted a ridiculous quote from Versace, which should have been the focus of the post all along. So please, attack behavior as it is warranted. If you feel an overwhelming urge to attack someone's looks, move away from the computer. In the comments of that post, people were justifying making fun of Versace's appearance because she'd cosmetically altered her face. The same rule applies: behavior, not appearance. Rule #2: don't hide behind excuses.

There's an idea central to radical feminism, the idea that women are valued only for how we please men. Our looks are always being judged, because our appearance is all that is valued by society. Therefore, it should be obvious that

it is never acceptable to attack a woman's appearance.

It isn't acceptable to attack men for their appearance either, but that's another post. In the meantime, those who need to, go buy a clue.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-02-04T23:48:00.000-08:00

One repeat picture, one new. Stupid camera.

Bumble installs a doorway

An American Fairy Tale

2007-02-03T12:52:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in a place not far from you, there was a little girl whose family was worried about MONEY. One day the girl’s father died, and MONEY became a very big problem for the family. The girl’s mother worried about money. The little girl worried about money, and it made her stomach hurt. As she grew up, she decided that she would go to college and get an Advanced Degree so that she would have some security in her life and so she could stop being scared about MONEY all the time.

The girl, now a woman, could not afford college. She could barely support herself working full-time at her minimum-wage job. People seemed to understand that it was hard to pay tuition, but no one seemed to grasp that it was impossible to support yourself while going to school if you were on your own. The woman worked one full-time job and one part-time job, and attended night school for four years. Then she went to school full-time, and worked two part-time jobs. She had to apply for LOAN after LOAN to stay in school. She beat the worries down with thoughts of her Advanced Degree. She felt guilty about worrying, since she had it so much better than so many other people.

The woman was working on the beloved Advanced Degree when she became very, very sick, and could not work. Her Evil Advisor said “Depressives don’t belong in research!” and kicked her out of graduate school with a lowly Masters Degree, an inferior type of Advanced Degree. The woman had to resort to using credit cards to pay for her health insurance, visits to the doctor, and medication. The credit card balances mushroomed and the student loans came due!

With time, the woman recovered, and was able to work hard. The credit card balances were paid off eventually, and the woman accepted that the student loans were going to be part of her life for a long time. The anxiety fed on this, but that was ok, since she had lived with her friend, anxiety, for a long time. The woman’s inferior Advanced Degree qualified her to work in a job she loved. All was well.

Alas, the woman became sick again. Her brain was sick, her immune system was sick, and all of her joints and muscles were sick. These conditions were permanent and she had to face the fact that she might not ever work again. The woman had to resort to using credit cards to pay for her health insurance, visits to the doctor, and medication. The credit card balances mushroomed and the student loan payments kept coming. The woman watched all of her hard work evaporate, and the debt monster grew bigger by the day. She started wondering about which she should do first: default on her student loans, or cancel her health insurance.

People said she was very Stupid, Irresponsible, and Selfish. They succeeded at life, why couldn’t she? The woman agreed with them. She had been Stupid to pursue an education when it meant mortgaging her future. She had been Irresponsible to get sick with so many different health problems. Finally, she had been Selfish to try to take care of herself and to seek medical help-those resources were only for the rich.

The moral of the story: Don’t try to stay alive, let alone succeed, in America unless an accident of birth makes you wealthy.

Alternate moral: Don’t get sick.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-01-29T00:04:00.000-08:00

Life is short, what do I read?

2007-01-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

It is extremely frustrating to be reading an excellent book or article on racism/sexism (choose one), only to have the author either ignore or make hateful statements about racism/sexism (choose the other). A great anti-racist book that embraces sexism enrages me, and vice-versa. My first impulse is to get rid of the book or article. Am I being too harsh? Is a great essay on sexism ruined if it ignores the racist issues entwined with the feminist ones?

I've been thinking about this for a while: where do I draw the line on things I allow into my brain? Then yesterday, I read a post at The Unapologetic Mexican that almost made me dance. Nezua doesn't just get it right, he gives a brilliant display of analyzing both racism and sexism. Go read the post (if you love movies, you'll especially appreciate his analysis).

The bottom line is this: I don't want to spend time on things that focus on one anti-oppression issue while ignoring other blatant examples of oppression. To be clear: I have no problem with articles or books that focus exclusively on feminism, anti-racism, ableism, or class issues-such works are appropriate. My problem is with authors who attack one type of oppression vigorously, while simultaneously engaging in another type of oppression.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-01-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

More retro Bumble! From September, 2004:

I can't believe she bought a book from such an awful company. Social justice ain't just a talkative judge! Maybe if I chew fast enough I can destroy the evidence.

I can't do this anymore

2007-01-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

I'm coming out of a depression, so I'm very vulnerable, and I might not be seeing things clearly. Maybe by this time next week, I won't feel this way. But I've really had my fill of blogs. I guess I should have stopped reading blogs that feature regular doses of infighting. But Laurelin's right: there's a thin line between stirring and silence.

You know what makes me furious? Heart posted something amazing: she posted Ballastexistenz's video, which was made in response to the Ashley Treatment (parents of a disabled girl have surgically and chemically altered her body to make caring for her easier). The video is about a woman claiming her personhood in the face of society's insistence that she's nothing. Ballastexistenz knows all too well what it's like to be denied personhood. It's an amazing video, a must-see. The next post on Heart's blog is about the monster/Robin Morgan fight. The Robin Morgan post had, at last count, 87 comments. The post of Ballastexistenz's video had 6 comments. Marginalized again.

Assuming I can muster the energy, and that's a big assumption, I'm going to try to take this blog in a different direction. I haven't figured this out completely, but I want to focus on theory, ideas for actions that will actually have an impact, and activism. Suggestions on how to do this are most welcome.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-01-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

My computer isn't on speaking terms with my camera or with my CD drive. So I think I'll be posting some vintage Bumble photos. This picture was taken the first night we brought him home from the humane society:

His ear to body ratio was very different!

A Rant

2007-01-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

What exactly is wrong with progressive bloggers? Scratch that. I don't care what's wrong. All I care about is getting people to stop being stubborn and to try doing something constructive once in awhile. What do you blog about? Do you focus on sexism, racism, homophobia, ageism, or all of the above? (I'm deliberately leaving out bloggers who focus on disablism, since they have haven't indulged in all the horseshit expressed over the last several weeks.) If you blog about those subjects, have you been engaging in neverending "discussions" about how crappy other progressives are? Have you been posting divisive statements showing your superiority to everyone else?

Events unfold like this: a blogger attacks a group of people who also fall under the progressive umbrella. A blogger in "group A" deems members of "group B" as stupid, hateful, aggressive, and worthless. Since the two groups have many common interests, it's inevitable that someone from group B will find the post attacking group B. Word of the post spreads among members of group B, and the members go to the post and leave comments protesting the lousy characterization of them.

The next part of the interaction is where we all behave as if we're in junior high school. Let me be clear: there are important issues and points of contention that need to be discussed between groups. I'll repeat this because it's so important: important issues that progressive groups disagree on need to be discussed. Discussion almost never happens. Instead, members of both groups dig in, and they argue their side of the issue. They do not listen to what members of the other group are saying. No progress is made, no understanding results from the argument. People continue to say things about the other group that are simply untrue. Meanwhile, more time has been pissed away fighting each other instead of fighting oppression.

Raising your voice to protest awful treatment of a group of people is a core value of progressives. But in this climate, responding to offensive things said by others is a futile gesture. You will not be heard. You will become even more furious, your blood pressure will take a beating, but you won't be able to educate others as to why what they're saying or doing is wrong. What's the point in trying?

It's my hope that people who are natural allies will start working on understanding viewpoints that are not their own. We don't have to agree on every issue to work together. I hope that we learn to treat each other with respect, because that's the only chance we have for fighting the monstrous conditions in which all of us live and die. What do we really care about? Do we care about fighting for people who are suffering, or is it more important to tear down another group that shares at least some of our goals?

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-01-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Bumble got mad at his bottle buddy and he bit, scratched, and pushed it to the middle of the room. Then when he decided he wanted to snuggle with bottle buddy, he had to lie in the middle of the room like a foolish bunny.

See what we let anger do to us?

"Pro-gun activists say women are taking away their rights with domestic laws"

2007-01-07T13:21:00.000-08:00

from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

A new fear floated above some of the gun exhibits: judges, lawyers and voters were giving women too much power, and the women were using that power to take guns away from their husbands, their boyfriends and their constituents. A gun-grabber lurked in the heart of the liberated woman.

***

No one at the law seminar lingered on why there was domestic violence in the United States, or how this violence affected men, women and children, or what steps could be taken to reduce or prevent such violence. For many of the lawyers present, it was strictly a legal issue about due process, federal statutes and legal precedents. What happened in the living room or bedroom, likely sites of what crime analysts called simple assault, was off the political and rhetorical radar screens. I also heard no discussion on how to protect women from men in their own homes. No, the subject was about individuals convicted of misdemeanors or slapped with restraining orders who had lost their right to own firearms. And the big issue was how to get them back. It was all about the guns.

***

I found out that the police were particularly vulnerable. There was mention of how the Minneapolis Police Department was practically disarmed because so many police had present or past restraining orders against them. No one talked about domestic violence, because violence in the home didn't have the emotional punch of a violent predator breaking into your home.

***

In 1998, the National Institute for Justice reported that each year 1.5 million women were raped or physically assaulted by intimate partners. Many of these attacks occurred in the privacy of the home. Men were more likely to be attacked by strangers. In contrast, women were seven to 14 times "more likely to report that an intimate partner beat them up, choked or tried to drown them, threatened them with a gun, or actually used a gun on them."

Monday Bunny Blogging

2007-01-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Bumble did not celebrate responsibly. Look where he woke up this morning:

Why'd I have to have that last banana?

The Twisty Thread and the Response

2006-12-28T16:49:00.000-08:00

The comments section of one of Twisty's posts festered into a pile of vile crap. Several bloggers have been discussing this. Many people have rightly condemned the hateful things said in that thread.

This is not a post about radical feminists versus transpeople. I can't go there yet. My purpose here is to beg all of you to walk your talk. It is not possible to advocate for the humanity of one group of people by denying the humanity of another group. In fact, that exact sentiment was expressed repeatedly by people who were objecting to Twisty's commenters. In one of the attacks on Twisty's blog, someone equated a transperson with a "nutjob". Yet the same types of slurs showed up on the blogs of people condemning Twisty and her commenters. Here's an example:

“I wish you weren’t a crazy-ass, so I could listen to you.”

The slurs against those with mental illness weren't that frequent, given the number of comments. But they were there, and what broke my heart is that I never saw a single comment objecting to them. You know, when you throw around words about mental illness, like crazy, psycho or psychotic, frootbat, and nutjob, you're mocking disability. You're spitting in the face of everyone who suffers from a mental illness. You're equating horrible behavior with mental illness. Stop it.

Do people care about doing more than paying lip service to respecting the rights of disabled people? I really don't know. I was feeling isolated enough before reading those blogs.

Comments: Please remember, this is about disablism, not about the original conflict.

Radical Feminist Lesbian Festival

2006-12-26T22:55:00.000-08:00

An intimate gathering of radical feminists
May 25-28, 2007

The Radical-Feminist Lesbian Festival is a lesbian festival open to all radical feminist womyn (lesbian, straight, bi,undeclared, other). If you know that men are waging a war against women and that rape, battering, incest, pornography, and prostitution are some of the main instruments of male supremacy; and you're unalterably opposed to all forms of domination and oppression, you share our radical feminist beliefs. This festival is designed to bring together womyn who share these beliefs for sustenance, support, encouragement, and plotting and scheming about the overthrow of patriarchy. See FAQ for more details.

Don't Believe Rape Victims Without Checking Their Story!

2006-12-26T14:16:00.000-08:00

So far, I've deleted two comments from my post on the Duke Lacrosse Rape Case. Both commenters explained to me that sometimes women lie about rape, and that this hurts everyone! Rape is the only crime in which the victim is immediately viewed suspiciously. No one asks if a man who is robbed brought the robbery on himself.

Misogynists insist that they know better than I do. They insist that you just can't trust a rape victim. I wonder if they will maintain that attitude when the rape victims are male?

Houston: A rapist targeting young men in a Texas refinery town has struck at least five times since April, stalking each victim in advance to make sure he's home alone.

Is anyone asking if the men who were attacked wore tight pants (which would cause the rapist to lose control over himself)? Is anyone asking if the men locked their doors, or if they encouraged the rapist in any way? Is anyone insisting that the men who were attacked weren't really raped? I hope not. These questions are disgusting, and no one who survives a rape should have to hear them. But women hear these remarks all the time.

Women who have been raped are often reluctant to come forward for fear of being ostracised or victimised again; for men those feelings can be even more amplified, police say.

In the Baytown attacks, police suspect even more young men have been assaulted, but they are ashamed to come forward. Some of the five known victims told police about the attacks after initially reporting a robbery, Clifford said.

"When you're talking about the humiliation of being dominated and threatened with your life to perform sexual acts, it's understandable."

So men suffer more from rape than women do? I don't think so. I don't see men being treated as if they "asked for it". What a shame we can't support all people who've endured being raped. What a shame that gender has such a big role to play in how rape survivors are treated.

Going to leave an ignorant and/or offensive comment? Don't bother, I'll delete it.

Best Christmas Post Ever

2006-12-25T09:54:00.000-08:00

The Unapologetic Mexican has the best Christmas post ever!

Christmas Bunny Blogging

2006-12-25T00:52:00.000-08:00

Bumble wishes everyone a peaceful and happy Christmas.

Duke Lacrosse Case

2006-12-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

This morning, I read Yolanda's post in which she broke the news that the DA's office is dropping the rape charges. You'll recall that this case involves white boys on Duke's lacrosse team who were accused of rape and false imprisonment of an African American woman.

J informs me that sports programs are all over this news, worried about how the poor boys who were "falsely accused" will ever be able to recover. It doesn't seem to matter that the sexual assault and kidnapping charges still stand.

The racism in this case is overwhelming. The sexism is so standard that I want to scream. If you think the fact that the woman worked as a stripper is relevant, you're a sexist. If you think it's irrelevant that the woman who was assaulted was African American and the boys who attacked her were white, you're not only a racist, you're a fool. If you immediately disbelieve a woman who says she's been raped, you're a waste of human tissue.

Biting Beaver

2006-12-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know if BB is alright?

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-12-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

The hay drawer has been removed. Bumble is standing where the hay existed just seconds before!

The Problem with Mental Illness

2006-12-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

Here's a perfect example of what happens once you're given the label "mentally ill":

Look at the difference between the psychiatric definition (#4) and every other definition. Generally, using a neologism is a creative use of language, which is a good thing. But for those labeled mentally ill, a neologism is a nonsense word-it's meaningless. Why? Well, because once you're mentally ill, everything you have to say is at best, suspect, and at worst, absurd.

It doesn't matter that many mental disorders are cyclical. Even when you're doing well, you're still stigmatized. I wrote about my gallbladder surgery recently. Once the gastroenterologist reviewed my history and saw "lithium", his manner changed. He did the physical exam and informed my that my gallbladder felt fine (the test results and the surgeon disagreed), and that it would be difficult to sedate me for the endoscopy he ordered (it wasn't). He even said I'd be so difficult to sedate that I might be awake during the entire procedure (which included 8 biopsies).

Anyone else out there terrified of medical procedures? I am, and the buildup of anxiety (I also have an anxiety disorder!) before my endoscopy was terrible. What actually happened? I remember watching him inject the drugs, then a nurse telling me I needed to wake up so I could go home.

When the nurse was prepping me, and Dr. Bigot hadn't arrived yet, I confided that I was scared of being awake during the endoscopy. The nurse said "Oh, honey, if you ever give signs that you're not fully sedated, we just give you more drugs. We don't want you to be awake during something like this!"

I guess she hadn't seen "lithium" on my chart.

Help! Most People Can't Comment

2006-12-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's counterproductive to do a blog post asking for help when the problem is that most people can't comment on my blog anymore.

If you know how to fix the problem, but can't comment, please email me: spotted_ele@hotmail.com

I hate Blogger. Thought I'd switch to wordpress, but can't pay for the hosting thingy, and frankly am not up for anything complicated right now.

Update: Brownfemipower told me about the free blogs at Wordpress!

Nearest Book Meme

2006-12-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

Elaina from Trash Talks Back tagged me for a book meme.

The rules:
1. Go to the nearest book in your reach and turn to page 123.
2. Go to the fifth sentence of the book.
3. Copy the next three sentences, then tag 3 people.

Tomo asiento y escojo una de las revistas.

Un hombre amable entra. El debe tener la primera cita de la tarde.

from Fundamental Spanish by Barbara Bregstein

I'm still on the pronunciation pages, so I don't know what I just typed.

I tag: Amy, BloggingMone, Sly Civilian

Racism and Mental Illness

2006-12-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

I'm a white woman. I'm also writing this post while I'm very upset, which is never a good idea. I'd really like to hear from woc/poc in comments, because I know the power of racism and white privilege, so I know that maybe I'm not getting something so fundamental, so important, that I'm missing the whole point.

There's a discussion over at Sly Civilian's about whether racism is a mental illness. Max Julian says:

The reason I conceptualize racism/white supremacy as a mental illness, is not because I don’t want to do something about it, but because of the chronic nature of the illness. I’ve talked to more than enough white folks about racism, seen their inability to grasp plain English (and these were highly educated people), cringed at their illogic, observed them strain and do verbal and mental backflips in order to sidestep the implications of their own behavior. From what I’ve seen, my diagnosis still stands.

The chronic nature doesn't mean that racism is an illness. Hate fuels itself and has remarkable staying power. White people refusing to see racism, to see the damage done by racism, comes from obstinacy. A person who is psychotic is truly incapable of seeing reality. A racist chooses to be racist. I've seen a lot of highly educated white people, and I'm not impressed on any level by them. They choose to be hateful and to do stupid things on a regular basis. Their actions don't spring from an illness, they result from both deliberate and unconscious choices that each individual makes.

Max Julian is right that all white people are born into a system of white supremacy, and that there is no escaping being in that system. But I maintain that all white people have a choice: go along with the status quo or fight. Racism is learned, mental illness is not. People don't learn to develop mental illness, just like they don't learn to have lupus. People have to avoid thinking critically, avoid seeing the harm they cause to continue to be racists.

Racism deserves to be stigmatized; mental illness does not. Unfortunately, the amount of stigma attached to racism is still very small, while the amount of stigma attached to mental illness is huge. I simply can't understand why anyone fails to see why I find classifying racism as a mental illness to be highly offensive. Please, offer your thoughts.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-12-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

On cleaning day, all of Bumble's things (except my desk) are taken out of his room, and massive piles of fur and hay are vacuumed up. Smart bunnies always know the layout of their surroundings. When you run for your life, you need to know where you can run and where you can hide. The moving process agitates Bumble, and he has to go look at the new location of everything.

The litter box does NOT belong on the landing!

I can adapt.

Oh, Happy Day

2006-12-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

This post is navel-gazing at its worst. It really would be more appropriate as a journal entry than as a blog post, but it makes me so very happy that I thought I'd share.

Today is a very special day for me. One year ago today, I had my gallbladder removed. If you're a regular reader, you already know that I take a dim view of surgery. It should be the last resort. For my gallbladder, it was! I was sick for two years, and the last three months of that time were pure hell. Gallstones can cause an impressive amount of pain.

When I finally got an appointment to see a gastroenterologist, I had a battery of tests, saw the surgeon, and was in the OR exactly one week after that appointment. I can't be too disgusted with the gastro, since he correctly diagnosed me, but you'd think someone who specialized in the digestive system would be able to tell that he himself suffered from having a big splintery board lodged in his rectum. Oh well.

The surgeon (Dr. Gallbladder) and the surgical resident both had an amazing bedside manner. I was quite suspicious-since when do surgeons know how to behave like humans? My poor little gallbladder was so full of stones that it could no longer function. Dr. Gallbladder said all it was doing was spitting out stones and causing me pain.

Not to brag, but MY gallbladder had way more stones than this one!

I was in enough pain that I didn't care about details, I wanted it OUT. If it was the thing causing those attacks that dropped me to my knees, then I wanted it gone. I'd been diagnosed with nothing but acid reflux before this. Lucky for me, there have been some advances in medicine, and I got to have a laparoscopic surgery instead of the traditional open procedure.

It's a diagram, but it's still gross if you don't care for medical procedures.

The laparoscopic procedure causes significantly less pain, and you get to leave the hospital either the same day, or the next day. However, sometimes they find that they can't do the laparoscopy, and convert to the open. I was terrified this would happen. I woke up in recovery with a nurse screaming my name at me (how rude!). All I wanted to know was if they'd had to convert to the open procedure. He said no, and I was so very happy! They seem so surprised when you want to get out of the hospital as fast as you can.

My surgery started at approximately 3pm, and even though I took a long time to wake up, I was home a little before 10pm. J ran to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled for me, and I sat propped up in my bed, grinning. In spite of the anesthesia that was still making me loopy, in spite of the pain meds, and in spite of the fact that its "home" was right next to an incision, I could tell that the fierce little ball of pain in my torso was gone. Want to know how that made me feel?

For those of you who read Monday Bunny Blogging, you'll be *shocked* to know that the one time Bumble truly showed empathy for me was the morning of my surgery. I was trying to get dressed to go to the hospital, and I guess I was giving off a lot of pain and fear, and it got to him. So he pressed himself up against my foot, and I couldn't get my socks and shoes on because he stuck to me like glue. J had to intervene. When I got home that evening, he was back to his demanding self.

Global Day to Stop Rape in Darfur

2006-12-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

Amnesty International has declared International Human Rights Day, December 10, a day of action to stop rape in Darfur. Actions include:

* Show solidarity on December 10th with Darfuri women and activists around the world by wearing white, a universal color of mourning.
* Write a letter to your Senators asking them to do more to encourage the Arab League, China and Russia to press the Government of Sudan to admit U.N. peacekeepers immediately to provide security for Darfuri women and girls.
* Write an Urgent Action letter asking Sudanese officials to end rape in Darfur.
* Write a ‘Letter to the Editor’ to call national attention to the issue of rape in Darfur.
* Host a write in white event in your community and write letters calling attention to the issue of rape as a tool of war in Darfur.

Please take a stand for the women of Darfur.

Monday Bunny Blogging: The Radical Feminism Edition

2006-12-03T21:43:00.001-08:00

Last Wednesday, during the middle of the night, a metal bookend and a 573-page book went crashing from a cabinet on top of my desk, hit Bumble's carrier (for maximum noise), bounced to the floor and stopped when they hit his litter box. You can see the basic layout in this photo (my desk is on the right side of the poorly-composed picture):

The site of The Incident.

Unfortunately, Bumble was apparently in the litter box when the bookmonster charged at him and tried to eat him, since the litter box was kicked way out of place. Poor Bumble ran for his life, but upon hitting the linoleum by the kitchen, lost control and slammed into a sliding closet door so hard that he knocked it off its track. This is a very sturdy door, so hopefully he hit it with his butt and not his head. We both came running to see if he was okay, but when he's in the panic state, he doesn't know who we are, so we just add to the stress.

This is too awful, let's take a little break:

Bumble in happier times.

So there's my bunny, he's hyperventilating, his eyes are bulging, and his whole body is shaking. Finally, he recognizes my voice and lets me pet him. The shaking stops, the eyes start to return to normal, and he accepts a treat. As far as we could tell, he wasn't hurt at all. It took two more treats to get him back into his room, but he finally went back in, checking everywhere for the bookmonster.

I've sworn never to store books like that again. He's sworn not to hate me for causing The Incident. What was the book that literally scared the crap (he left a trail, poor guy) out of Bumble?

Radical Feminism: a documentary reader. Ed Barbara A. Crow

Bumble's conclusion: radical feminism is no different than every animal on this planet. It exists to eat rabbits.

World AIDS Day

2006-12-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

Defective Breasts

2006-11-29T11:07:00.000-08:00

I originally had decided not to publish this post, because after all, we don't really need another post on how people in western cultures view breasts. But when I opened today's paper, I saw an article on The Boob Lady, and just lost it. So here goes.

When I got sick this past spring, I joined a Yahoo group for people with chronic illnesses. One of the regular emails consists of a list of links from the Mayo Clinic that provides information on a variety of health concerns, from preventing the flu to dealing with intractable fatigue. So imagine my surprise when a recent link from the the Mayo Clinic covered breast augmentation.

I clicked on the link, because I wanted to know how breast augmentation could possibly be related to health. One of the reasons suggested for breast augmentation was priceless:

* Correct a defect in the development of your breasts, such as having breasts of unequal sizes

So this is how breast implants are related to women's health! Only, I'm confused as to what health problems I'm risking by having uneven breasts. Is the smaller breast more susceptible to cancer? Am I in danger of damaging the larger breast by closing a door on it? I'm afraid to admit this, because clearly I'm a developmental freak, but most parts of my body are uneven. Can medicine come to the rescue? The only thing worse than misogyny is when misogyny enriches the medical industry.

Frankly, my misaligned breasts haven't caused me any problems in life. My mismatched feet, on the other hand, have caused considerable problems, since one foot always has an ill-fitting shoe. Maybe the Mayo Clinic will send me an article about foot implants. But then, I'd have to work my way up my body, undergoing multiple surgeries to even myself out so that I don't exhibit any developmental defects and make other people uncomfortable. Oh, wait, uneven body parts are a health issue. I'm sorry to say I've typed this entire post with uneven hands. How could I have been so reckless?

I think I'll focus on actual health problems, like this intractable fatigue.

***
The Boob Lady

Thursday's Seattle Post-Intelligencer has a story on a woman who likes to be called "The Boob Lady". I read the story, hoping against hope that TBL would be preaching a message of self-acceptance, and encouraging girls to challenge the messages that bombard them daily. Imagine how excited I was when I read that she speaks to girls in junior high school, and that her philosophy was that "They should be comfortable in their own skin."

Optimism only leads to disappointment.

She didn't start out as The Boob Lady.

A creative-writing class unearthed her feelings about her breast lift surgery two years ago and the impact it made on her life.

"For most of my life, my breasts would arrive in the room before I did," she said.

After nursing and raising those children and getting into shape, she underwent a breast lift -- a surgery that removes excess flesh and moves the nipples up -- and for the first time, she felt like she had breasts that aligned with her petite body.

"Finally, I'm comfortable with me," she said.

TBL wants girls to be comfortable in their own skin. That phrase, comfortable in your own skin, is important to me. I've been working for a long time to achieve that level of acceptance of myself. The way that I understand the phrase, it means that you accept yourself as you are. It does not mean that you accept yourself once you've had surgery to get rid of the unacceptable parts.

The article just gets worse and worse:

"They're not the end-all be-all but they are the things that define us as women," Squires said. "They're out there all the time. They define our sex, but it isn't who we are."

Silly Boob Lady, our breasts do define who we are. Someone, get this woman a radical feminist analysis of body image, stat! She attempts to preach about the need for a positive body image.

Bodies, she said, change a lot. And so do your breasts, with life-changing events such as pregnancy and birth, or through exercise.

"They're in a constant state of flux," Squires said. "Change is a good thing. If you don't like your breasts today, you may like them in 20 years."

But surgery to "improve" your breasts is acceptable. It's impossible for me to reconcile the idea that bodies are to be accepted as they are, as they change, but plastic surgery is okay.

...What's unnatural are boobs deliberately hiked up by some tits-on-a-platter bra, á la Victoria's Secret," she wrote.

But breasts subjected to surgery are natural? Restrictive bras are unacceptable, but surgery is fine? Wouldn't it be so much easier to encourage women and girls to accept their bodies as they are? Loving your body, without reservation, without "fixing" it first, should not still be subversive. Unfortunately, it still is.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-11-27T00:18:00.000-08:00

Bumble lost an entire corner of the living room due to setting up the Christmas tree. He is not happy.

White Americans Giving Thanks

2006-11-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

Many Americans will be celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow. The holiday requires people to shift their focus from constantly trying to acquire more things to being thankful for what they have. (Never fear, the culturally-mandated consumption resumes and goes into overdrive on Friday.)

Some white Americans even make an effort to remember how hard things were for the Pilgrims who arrived here wholly unprepared for life in North America. People then eat an enormous meal and fall asleep in front of a football game on tv.

My request is this: would each of you please, at least once tomorrow think: "I sure am thankful I wasn't on the receiving end of genocide"?

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-11-19T21:21:00.000-08:00

How much hay can fit in one mouth?

Sorry for the blurry picture, but his entire head is moving fast.

Post created using Firefox as my browser. Woo-hoo!

Ha! and Help?

2006-11-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

I recently announced that I was going to be blogging again. Technology intervened and gave me a big &#@% you! My internet connectivity fails frequently, but it's failing for long stretches of time now.

What's worse is that most of my bookmarks have disappeared! I don't know how this happened, but I'm lost without them (I thought Netscape regularly backed up bookmarks. Silly me.) Does anyone know of a way to retrieve bookmarks? Everything, including the outrages I wanted to write about, is gone. Help!

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-11-12T23:19:00.000-08:00

Bumble was busy playing in the blinds when he remembered he wanted to help his friend Lexi overcome her fear of the camera. He decided the best way to do this would be to shove himself directly against the camera. No rabbit would ever do this if it was even remotely dangerous!

Bumble's straight-on approach

Extreme close-up of nose and front legs

See Lexi, it's fun! But they really freak out if you try to chew the camera.

I'm Back!

2006-11-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

I took a break from blogging due to health problems. After awhile, I realized I didn’t want to come back. I’m crushed by the state of the world, by the way the women are forced to live. The amount of suffering and despair is overwhelming. Fortunately, I’ve been reading blogs, and you’ve all been getting to me.

Amy posted Despair, she wrote. The post is written in response to a question she received via email: “"I am wondering how you deal with despair...How do you stand knowing what you know, seeing what you see, feeling what you feel for womyn???? "

The entire piece got to me, but two things stood out. Her direct and honest answer:

Answer #1: I don’t. I spend quite a lot of time feeling crappy.

Ah. Other women go through this too. There’s no way around the fact that fighting for women hurts. I found this response freeing. It meant my struggles weren’t the product of me being “not tough enough”. (I have a lifetime of people telling me to “toughen up” and “get a thicker skin”.) The pain was part of the process. The work we do for women, for everyone, is critical. It is not, however, free from harm.

Amy also included a quote from Andrea Dworkin:

It is important to understand that we will live with a fair amount of pain for most of our lives. If your first priority is to live a painless life, you will not be able to help yourself or other women. What matters is to be a warrior.

There is no such thing as a painless life, but we seem to seek it out as if it was our natural state. Avoiding pain is arguably the strongest motivator for humans. What we need to learn is that it's okay to be in pain. We don't have to avoid pain at all costs. We do have to learn to find ways to deal with the pain so that it doesn't break our will to fight. Read Amy's whole post to see how she copes.

Sometimes painful situations in life paired with online hate become too much. An excellent and thoughtful writer, Amananta, has decided to stop blogging. I will miss her voice terribly, but I wish her the best, and hope that things improve for her soon. Elaina left a comment on one of Amananta’s posts that really energized me:

We are in a war here, Amananta. We only really lose if we stop fighting. Keep on screaming. Folks are still asleep; we all have to scream to wake them up before the sky falls.

Thank you for writing that, Elaina. Resistance can take many different forms. There will be times when we cannot fight in the way we want. But we must keep fighting, in whatever way we're able. Even small actions can have a big impact.

Finally, this morning I read a post by Biting Beaver, in which she said:

All of our fighting and screaming, all of our defending and begging and frustration, all of our anger and sadness will die, impotent and ineffective for we are battling an army, the likes of which we never could have comprehended. We are, for all intents and purposes, trying to empty oceans with teaspoons.

She’s right. Misogyny will not be overcome in my lifetime. It may never be overcome fully. But we fight so that one day, women will not have to live as we do. The outcome is uncertain. When and how will women be able to live as fully-recognized human beings? We don’t need the answers. We don’t need to know how it will all work out. We just need to keep fighting. We just need to resist.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-11-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

Bumble never drinks alone.

Please Take Action

2006-11-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

First, read Brownfemipower's post, Why feminists must stand against government oppression. Then, see the two posts below it for people to call/mail/email.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-10-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

What's the bunny equivalent of a Haunted House?

When the humans cook meat.

Bumble's scared pose:

Fortunately, Bumble has excellent coping skills, and can be calmed down.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-10-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

I got in trouble for last week’s post.

Apparently, it’s “naughty” to go on the internet and complain that my life stinks. Now I’m really glad I didn’t mention in that post that I’d called the Humane Society to complain about my living conditions. Also, I've been told it's not acceptable to demand presents, so I'm sort of sorry about doing that.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I got a little too excited waiting for my salad and bit her foot. Rabbits, that doesn't go over well. Anybody want to pet me? I hate being in trouble.

Look What I Found!

2006-10-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

A great activism blog, called Stick It!

Monday Bumble Grumble

2006-10-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

My life stinks. She's taking a break from blogging, but I don't get a stinkin' break. Last Monday, I did lots of fascinating things and she never even got the camera out. So don't blame me for no Monday Bunny Blogging. I was working.

I'm sick of everything being about her. She can't pet me as much as I deserve because of something about "problems with my hands". Uh, that's a YP, not an MP. And I'm going to bite someone if I have to hear "I've been petting you so long my butt went numb" one more time.

Oh, and while I'm at it, all of you bloggers who supposedly like me soooo much? I haven't received even one banana tree yet. I expected to have a forest of bananas by now. This is your last warning before I give you the Bunny Butt.

Happy Monday.

Taking a Little Break

2006-10-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

I've reached a breaking point. I'm spending all of my time simply trying to get through the day. Just existing, waiting for time to go by in hopes that the pain and exhaustion might ease up a little. I know that I will have days like this, but it can't be every single day. Trying to survive is not the same as living. So I'm going to take a short blogging break and think about things and try to figure out how to have a life in spite of what my body decides to do at any given moment.

Deleting Posts & Thanks for Proving My Point

2006-10-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Deleting Posts
On Thursday, I posted this. In the post, I stated I was having problems with mental "fogginess"/confusion, and that I'd limit my comments due to that fact. But after I posted, I started worrying that maybe, in my confusion, I might have misstated something, or seemed to treat a serious subject in a flippant way. I took the post down.

This subject has been bothering me ever since, and after thinking and worrying about it, I've made some decisions. I have multiple impairments right now. Mental confusion makes it very difficult to process information and respond to that information. But I still have something to say when I'm feeling foggy. I'm going to screw up whether I'm at 100% functioning or 10% functioning. I hope that people let me know when I screw up-please, call me on my shit-but I'm going to stop hiding when I'm not 100%. I don't know if 100% is ever coming back, but I do know that I'm not finished thinking and discussing.

Thanks for Proving My Point
Amanda apologized for her use of the photo (see link above). That's more than many would do, but she really should have turned the comments off, or moderated comments. People are pissed! How dare anyone accuse them of anything improper! You can use any cultural image you want, other as many brown-skinned women as you want, if you do it in the name of feminism. What's funny, in a sick sort of way, is how similar the reactions of many in the comment thread are to the average right-wing response. "You're too sensitive!"

Yeah. Right.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-10-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

What to do?

2006-10-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Dedicate yourself to ending torture worldwide.

Meeting In Real Life

2006-09-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

My first blogger meeting, although successful, has to remain top secret.

Sunday, I had my second real-life meeting: I met Amy and K! We had a wonderful visit, and I'm only sad that they live so far away. Amy has a hilarious post about the visit, with great pictures of us.

I had planned to use pictures of the visit for last week's Monday Bunny Blogging. However, Bumble Bunny was quite rude, and hid in his safe corner during the visit. He came out once, and went so far as to sniff K's foot, but then it was back to the corner. You can't imagine the trouble I was in when Amy and K left. Bumble thinks I'm such a stupid rabbit for letting strange rabbits into our warren. Sigh.

It's Embarrassing To Be White (Again)

2006-09-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not blogging much due to trouble processing information, but when I saw this picture at Pandagon, even in my foggy-brained state, I could tell it was incredibly offensive:

Why is it that clear-headed white people don't get it? In the comments of the post described above, Sly Civilian objected to the photo. He ususally beats me to posts like this, and can be counted on to raise his voice in protest over offensive material. In my fast scan through the comments, I didn't see anyone responding to his objection.

I'm not going to go into an explanation of why this photo is so wrong when I'm this cognitively limited. But if you think the picture is ok, I suggest you 1) think about the implications of equating a western woman wearing a burqa to women of color who really do wear the burqa, 2)think about using a burqa as a joke, and what that says to all the women who are forced to wear them, and 3) buy a clue.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-09-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

Choking on Whiteness

2006-09-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

BFP has a great post up about the blogger lunch with Clinton in Harlem. Does anything strike you when you look at the picture?

Where were all the people of color? The fact that the crowd was lily-white was explained by the fact that the people of color who were invited couldn't attend. Well, I guess that was easy to check off on the to-do list: "Inivite some nonwhite people. They can't make it. I'm done. After all, there are only a few bloggers of color."

When one woman of color challenged the whiteness of the picture, she was savagely attacked as a worthless stain on the blogosphere.

Unfortunately, this is a typical response from a white person who is challenged to think about race and racism. In fact, there's even a typical response pattern:

1. Immediately invalidate the charge of racism:

"See, Liza’s pissed because nobody invited her to lunch with Big Dog. But, instead of coming right out and saying that, she’s seizing on this opportunity to try and generate herself some publicity by insinuating that there’s some kind of racist agenda at work."

2. Accuse the person of color of a selfish motive:

"Sure, lack of minority bloggers is a problem, but that’s not really Liza’s real agenda here. She’s using this as an opportunity to call attention to herself and climb up on the cross. (That last nail’s a bitch, innit?)"

3. Attack the person who dared to point out white privilege. Attempt to drive said person into the ground. Repeat.

A separate issue blew up over one hateful woman's attack on one of the women in the photo. The feminist blogosphere mobilized and rightly tore the woman's comments apart. That's fantastic. But the comparison is painful: a white woman is attacked based on her appearance, and there's an outpouring of outrage and support from white bloggers. A woman of color is attacked for daring to question why Clinton was only meeting with white people, and there's very little outrage and support from white bloggers. The attacks on both women were vile, hateful, and extremely personal. Both attacks should have been condemned by a large number of bloggers.

But where is the outrage from white bloggers over the fact that Clinton didn't meet with a diverse group of bloggers? Where is the outrage that this meeting was swimming in white privilege? Why is the vast majority of outrage coming from people of color?

Hey, white bloggers, I'm talking to YOU!

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-09-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

The Banana

(peeking up from under my chair)
"I know I smell fruit!"

"OMG! It's BANANA!"

"Oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! I need banana! I will be a good bunny if you just give me banana!"

Bumble received three pieces of banana, which is too much. When I told him there would be no more banana (one of the phrases he knows is "No more."), he dug at the carpet under my desk, tried to chew one of the desk legs, and savaged the plate the banana was served on. When all of this failed to produce more banana, my sweet rabbit gave me The Look, which must be seen at full size to be appreciated.

"You are no longer my friend."

Instructions for Women

2006-09-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

Amananta has a wonderful post up, Simple Rules for Women to Follow to Avoid Trouble. Be sure to read it ASAP.

I hope she doesn't mind, but I'm adding my own suggestion to her list. My suggestion is illustrated, to help us smaller-brained women comprehend the rules.

Rule #11: Always walk behind the man you serve. Following this rule accomplishes two things: it shows your man that you respect his superior mind and worth, and it shows the world that you embrace your subservient position.

Oh, cheer up. The servants have to walk behind you!

Note the good form here: she's a pace behind, but watching him intently to see where he leads next.

A lovely variation on the rule! Walk behind the man, but with head bowed passively. Wonderful!

There is one exception to our rule. If the man has been desperately and unsucessfully trying to produce biological offpsring, and finally makes his baby in your body, you may walk alongside him. This allows him to show off his handiwork:

When the pregnancy is over, immediately step back behind him and assume your correct position.

No Bunny Blogging

2006-09-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Not today. MBB will resume next week, but today I can't talk about how healthy and happy Bumble is. Today is a day for remembering:

What stands out for me when I think of September 11, 2001, is the tremendous response of people involved:

On that day, strangers helped each other, people around the world expressed horror, compassion, and a desire to help us. Across America people lined up to give blood to help the survivors. It turned out that there were few survivors, but people were doing what they could. People waited for hours and hours to give blood to help out a stranger. These are the same people who piss and moan in the grocery store checkout if there's a delay. But they waited calmly for a chance to do something, anything, to help.

In addition to all the dead, these are the things that I want to remember.

Been here, done this

2006-09-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote five posts on Tuesday. [First danger sign.] That's more than I usually write in a week, even if you count Monday Bunny Blogging. I only posted 4 of the 5, because I realized after writing the long 5th post, that I didn't agree with what I written. [Second danger sign.] Even though I desperately needed to lie down, I couldn't stop moving. Then yesterday, suddenly I stopped racing around and did nothing but lie still. I didn't want to read blogs or read books or pet Bumble. [Third danger sign.] Today I've been thinking about the futility of everything, and spontaneously weeping. [Brain, screaming: Pay attention already!]

Last time I experienced this, the doctors had raised my Effexor 2 dosage levels. It took away the pain, but made me cycle between hypomania and depression. The esteemed doctors decided to try raising the (reduced to original dose) Effexor by one dosage level to see if that helped the pain without making me cycle.

Nope. Bastards. I can only imagine the fun now as I'm going to have to wean off of Effexor and try another drug. Bastards. They really are trying to help me.

I'm overly emotional, so please know I'm not blaming, but I really miss Kaka Mak, and now Pippi isn't going to blog anymore and I can't even bear to think about what Granny is going through. Here's hoping the hypomania will knock the depression out of the park until this is over.

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week

2006-09-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

What a terrible name for such a great campaign.

One thing that makes me sad is that their website has this posted:

Does mental illness count? YES! See more here.

Now, it makes me very happy that they're including mental disorders, but it's unfortunate that we still have to ask that question. Mental illness is a misnomer. In mental disorders, there are things going wrong with your brain. I read somewhere that the brain is important.

Please help spread the word about the awareness week!

Oh, Her Feewings Were Hurt

2006-09-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

[May be triggering.]

Remember when Tom Cruise criticized Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants when she was suffering from postpartum depression? Remember how Dr. Cruise M.D., Ph.D. said depression could be cured by taking vitamins? Well, they've made up. Shields said:

And through it all, I was so impressed with how heartfelt it was. And I didn't feel at any time that I had to defend myself, nor did I feel that he was trying to convince me of anything other than the fact that he was deeply sorry. And I accepted it.

One of Dr. Cruise's spokesmen said:

"It is true that his friendship with Ms. Shields has been mended," spokesman Arnold Robinson said in a statement. "He has not changed his position about antidepressants, which as evidenced by the black label warnings issued by the FDA on these types of drugs, are unhealthy.

Shields accepts that he's very sorry, and now they're friends again. I call bullshit. Shields knows the horror of severe depression. She knows that Cruise is against psychiatry, and proposes vitamins as treatment for major depression. She has to know that countless people suffer terribly from depression, and that most of those people do not have the money she does, so they get substandard, if any, treatment.

Brooke Shields has just served all people with depression one big, stinky shit sandwich. She's embracing friendship with someone who attacks all psychiatric treatment. Tom Cruise essentially spits in the faces of people suffering from mental illness. But hey, he made her feel special, so they're friends again. No need for her to take a public stand against his statements. Instead, she talks about how very sorry he was. She conveniently doesn't address the fact that he stands behind those statements.

I guess the next time I get depressed, I'm going to throw out my lithium, and take some Flintstones vitamins! My favorite Flintstones vitamin was always the car, but there weren't very many cars in each bottle.

My absolute favorite would be a purple or a yellow car!

I hope I get far enough into the bottle to get a car before I kill myself.

Health and Class

2006-09-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone who smugly enjoys good health gets a frigging clue and realizes that they are lucky, not good. I hope that people who feel superior to those with poor health get smacked with a big dose of random chance. I hope that people with class privilege who sneer at the poor lose all of their privilege and have to navigate the US health system alone. I hope that every doctor who writes derisively of Medicaid patients has to undergo a painful rectal procedure.

I wish.

Ms. Jared Memed Me

2006-09-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

Why do you blog?
I feel better when I "talk" about things that matter to me. Hate writing, but it feels good to get my ideas out of my head.

How long have you been blogging?
Since February 2006. For me, that's a long time. Thought I'd never get past the start a blog, then kill-it-in-frustration stage.

Self-Portrait:

That's me on the right

Not enough? Fine:

My foot and hand
Alternate title: The Bumble Sandwich

Yes, I'm chicken, but I'm seriously un-employable right now. Since this blog doesn't enhance my job-aquiring status, I'm staying hidden.

Why do readers read your blog?
I honestly don't know. For the feminism, and for the rage, maybe?

What was the last search phrase someone used to get to your site?
"neglecting one's appearance"
bwahahahahahaha!

Which of your entries unjustly gets too little attention?
"Monday Bunny Blogging"
Bumble made me say that.

Your current favorite blog?
Sparkle*Matrix
Sparkle puts a lot into this blog-great posts, great photos, great information, and a great header photo on the blog.

What blog did you read most recently?
sinister girl

Which feeds do you subscribe to?
I don't know how to do this! So I click on blogs of people taking a break, and repeatedly get nothing new. Then I quit trying daily for awhile, and miss several great posts. Dammit!

What 4 blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?
Manxome at Climacteric Clambake
Pippi at Villa Villekulla
witchy-woo at Well, I'll go to the foot of my stairs...
tng at Neural Gourmet

I want to know what they have to say.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-09-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

They put this stupid fence between me and the air conditioner. I hate this fence! I want to snuggle the air conditioner.

Feminist Depression Support Group

2006-08-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

Does someone have rocks I can use to fill the holes in my head?

My energy level is at a lifetime low, so I decided to create a feminist depression support group! Amananta was looking for one, V was discussing it, I've been chatting with Belledame about depression in comments, and today, I read Pippi's post about depression. Her comparison of depression to a near-drowning incident shook me up. Considering the life-changing impact depression has had on me, and the lack of a feminist perspective on depression, forming a group seemed like a good idea.

I hope that women will join to give and receive support. Given my current health status, I'd be grateful for 1-2 women willing to serve as moderators. The fastest way to destroy a group is by having trolls posting unchecked or member's messages drowned out by spam. To join the group:

Click to join feminist_depression_support

Any questions can be left in comments or you can email me: spotted_ele@hotmail.com Please feel free to invite women you think would be interested in the group.

Last Health Post

2006-08-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

for a long while, I promise.

Turns out that in addition to fibromyalgia, I have high levels of inflammation in my body. The blood tests were nonspecific (why, thank you body), so it will take time to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. It does mean that I now have to take more drugs, and that in addition to having all my muscles hurt, my joints will keep hurting too. The inflammation is likely contributing to the fatigue.

The good news is that this may be temporary. Want to know what I think about the odds of my body doing the temporary thing?

Screaming language so foul your ears would melt if you heard it!

The bad news is that it may be permanent, as in rheumatoid arthritis or something worse. Must all of my health problems develop in PAIRS?

allergies, then asthma

generalized anxiety disorder, then bipolar disorder

fibromyalgia, then "condition stupid"

Be very happy that you are not my roommate. I'm very foul right now, as you may have guessed. My social skills are on the level of the rage-infected monkeys from 28 Days Later. I've wanted to write a post for several days now, but can't control the crankiness. Sigh.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-08-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

Diagnosis

2006-08-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! I have fibromyalgia.

Exhausted, confused, and in pain
But isn't my blanket nice!

Fibro's been my suspicion since April. I also have a problem with my knees I didn't know about, and am awaiting more blood test results because of a potential inflammatory problem that showed up on the initial tests (I wasn't processing information by the end, but Mr. Elephant knows).

I am so proud of myself. Not to brag, but I have a real talent for developing nasty, chronic conditions that no one takes seriously: depression, asthma, and now, fibromyalgia. Of course, people who know what bipolar disorder is tend to sit up and take notice when that is mentioned. But otherwise, I'm the queen of the "I think you're malingering" or "Oh, get over it already!" illnesses.

The fun part is that all the meds they want to put me on are contraindicated for people with bipolar disorder, and given my recent bout with the crazies, I'm very reluctant to go on any medication. There are meds for pain and meds for fatigue. When I asked about clearing up the cognitive problems (the worst symptom of all), the doctor just smiled at me and said nothing. Or maybe he did, I can't remember.

I can't remember. That's pretty funny.

I'm going back to this doctor (who was not an asshole, although very strange) next week. Between the rheumatologist and the psychiatrist, maybe a treatment plan will be worked out. I hope so, because as of right now, there is no plan. I have one prescription for a non-narcotic pain pill, but don't know if I can take it yet (has to be approved by my shrink). Theoretically, with fibromyalgia, one can get from disability to normal functioning, but no one has told me how that's supposed to happen.

Anyone out there with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome? I'd really appreciate any feedback or advice you can give me: spotted_ele@hotmail.com

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-08-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

Bumble's Adoption Anniversary, Part 2

The new hidey-box:

Hard at work demolishing the new toy

"Why no, as a matter of fact, I won't hold still for a clear shot."

For John Cade

2006-08-20T00:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a very bad week. I won't go into the symptoms because they're extremely boring. But all aspects of My Undiagnosed Health Problem have been acting up, with impressive intensity, this past week. Also, I finally have an appointment with a specialist on Monday. I'm dreading it, afraid he will be completely useless ("Golly, I don't know what's wrong with you!"). Or worse, he will proclaim that all my problems are due to the fact that I AM FAT.

Though I'm miserable, my mood is holding steady. I mean, I'm not happy, but I'm not slipping into a deadly depression. Lithium has kept me, well, me through all of this. I'm so grateful for that. I wish that the Australian doctor who discovered lithium's therapeutic benefits was still alive. I wish I could thank him. I wish I could make some maudlin public gesture of gratitude to him. He deserves something much bigger than this post.

John Cade (1912 - 1980)
You took away a lot of suffering in this world.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-08-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary, Bumble! We sure are lucky we adopted you!

On Friday, we celebrated Bumble's 2nd Adoption Anniversary. Instead of cake, he got his favorite food: banana. Here's a video of him polishing off the end of the banana*:

This video is in slow motion. He chews much faster than this.

Bumble also got a toy basket. To be clear, for Bumble, toy = something he can chew and eat. So we gave him an edible basket full of oat seed heads, pinecones, apple sticks, and best of all, a hay cube.

It's really hard to eat a hay cube when you only use your mouth. I shot a video of him eating his hay cube, but at the end he got really irritated with me:

His last present was a new hidey-box. Pictures will have to wait. He was so excited about it that he kept running in and out of it, and jumping on top of it, so all the pictures I have are blurry.

*Why is it that when humans chew with their mouths wide open, it's disgusting, but when animals do it, it's either hilarious, cute, or both?

I Give Up

2006-08-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

I'm furious. I've been trying to read a few sex pos blogs to understand their perspective, and hopefully (ha!) open a dialogue. What set me off was a comment left on Bitch Lab's blog. I'm not going to refer to the subject of the post, because I'm taking exception with one comment:

Anthony Kennerson Says:
August 11th, 2006 at 11:48 am

And this crap about “coercion” and how prostitution is innately rape solely because the woman pays for sex that she apparantly doesn’t like: Does the thought that the woman might actually like the acts she does (or the client does on her) even to the point of doing them in private for free ever cross RM’s synapses?? Or, the fact that coercion can vary in degree and form; and to simply reduce all encounters between the prostitute and the client to mere rape simply because the woman “needs the money” is pure lunacy?? Especially given that there are so many NON-sexual professions where women have been forced to do so much worse “for the money”?? (Ever heard of the casting couch in mainstream film, RM???)

Of course, all this bullshit spewed by RM is really all about what I have been saying all along: It has nothing to do with liberating women or even socialism or feminism. It is all about THE SEX…mostly the loathing of other women who enjoy the “wrong” type of sex.

This is going to take a special double dose of SmackDog Whupass ™…first chance I get to the blog, it will be on.

Radfem has officially become the new ex-gay.

Right, let's always argue from the perspective of women who are having fun as sex workers. It's all about the freedom, especially male sexual freedom, and who cares about those women who are being tortured?

It's all about the sex? Yes, thank you, we're all prudes. You've dismissed an entire movement that's fought for women's lives and women's rights with one sentence. Thanks for being so upfront in your hatred.

Equating radical feminism with the ex-gay movement is despicable. He is very concise: in just two sentences, he belittles and others radical feminists. I'm terribly sorry that his sex life might be affected by having to consider the rights of women. This is typical male privilege, and Mr. Kennerson desperately needs to educate himself on both male privilege and misogyny. [Hint: If you're a man who is viciously attacking a group of women who are standing up for women's rights, there's a problem with your behavior!]

What really offended me is that these hateful statements went unchallenged by the women posting on the blog. So much for opening a dialogue.

Please Mr. Kennerson, give me a dose of SmackDog Whupass™. Radical feminists know a bit about male aggression directed at women. We think it's wrong.

Taking It Too Far?

2006-08-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Update:
My first thought when I woke up (late) this morning was "I'm revoking my late-night blogging privileges. I've got to get that post off my blog!"

But then I read all of your wonderful comments, and decided it was a good topic to discuss, even if I was uncomfortable.

Subtitle: I am NOT trying to stir up the old beauty shitstorm!
This post is about what I've been going through lately, and I'm interested in feedback.

This is how I'm looking these days:

I've worked hard to be aware of patriarchal standards of beauty when they pop up in me, and fighting to reject them. This process has been occurring over several years. But I seem to have made remarkable progress in the last few months. If you're not sitting down, please do so before continuing.

Oh, I guess you would be sitting at your computer, wouldn't you? Still, brace yourself.

I've been going out in public without shaving my legs.

The horror! Now, before you get too excited, I'm still a shaver. I will still shave, but I no longer shave daily, and last time I was at the allergist's, I realized I was out in public, wearing shorts, with leg hair that was long enough to be soft. I had a tiny attack of panic, then was so proud of myself that I wanted to tell someone. A scan of the room revealed that no one would be sympathetic. (Aside: I used to refuse to wear shorts when I was this fat. Who cares that heat makes me ill? Suffer fatty! So I've made progress there too. Go me!)

But wait, there's more! I haven't experienced that burning pain on my upper lip that comes from hair removal in I don't know how long. My mustache is nice and dark. Again, don't think I've conquered anything-I'm sure to burn the hair off again at some point. But to have gone this long without my Nair (burning-hair-off attack chemical) is amazing for me.

So in two areas, I have made positive progress. But I'm "letting myself go" in other ways, and I can't figure out if I'm rejecting beauty standards or being lazy because I don't feel well. Isn't there something to be said for having a little pride in one's appearance (as in not smelling terrible, and not looking like I've given up on doing laundry)? Is there? I'm not being sarcastic, I'd like to know.

I shower and wash my hair every day, and I use deodorant as well. But I do not comb my hair or dry it, and it forms an interesting and very messy frizz around my head. I'm wearing sloppy clothes, and I haven't bothered to remove the Bumble fur from myself before leaving the apartment (white hair everywhere). I often have hay somewhere on my person, but hay removal is a losing battle. Whenever I eat, I end up wearing part of my meal. I've been this way since childhood, so I don't think it will change. When I'm at the bank and see a juice stain on my shirt, I can't even work up embarassment.

I realize that all of this could be happening because going anywhere takes so much effort that I can't be bothered by my appearance. I also know that my friends will come rushing to my defense and tell me not to worry about a silly thing like appearance when I have bigger issues. Those friends would be right. But in a rambling way, I'm trying to ask a philosophical feminist question: where do we draw the line? Where does a woman find the line between rejecting patriarchal standards and how she is happy in her appearance? If I had energy to be outside working, I wouldn't give a rat's ass how I looked then. But I'm talking about how I look when I run errands, or just in my daily life.

Really, feedback would be great-you will not offend me. Really, please let's not start up attacking each other over appearance issues. We're just talking about messy me.

Bloggers for Darfur

2006-08-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-08-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

There was High Drama at the Elephant house (get it? Like at the zoo!) last week. On Tuesday, I did something terrible. I have no idea what that something was, but it pissed Bumble off. Usually he doesn’t stay angry for long, but this time, he ignored me all day long. He wouldn’t look at me, and he oriented himself so that either his back or his butt was facing me:

Bumble giving me The Bunny Butt*

This behavior hurt my feelings. I can’t stand it when he’s mad at me. After several hours, and efforts at making up (saying how sorry I was, attempting to pet him), I caved and offered him a raisin. It worked: we were best friends again. Being angry at me for an extended period of time takes a toll on him. Once we’ve made up, he clings to me like glue and must remain in physical contact with me. He has to make up for all the lost snuggle time. Tuesday was no different, every time I held still, he laid his head on my foot:

I'm forgiven and we're both relieved**

I’ve told him it would be so much easier to avoid all of this. But Bumble's rules are that when you do something awful, you have to be punished, and you must pay restitution in fruit.

*All pictures are reenactments.
**Poses performed by professionals. Do not attempt.

Next week: A Very Special Monday Bunny Blogging, featuring Bumble’s Second Adoption Anniversary Party!

Photoshop that baby out of the picture!

2006-08-05T20:34:00.000-07:00

I can't remember where I first saw this story, but it's been featured on several blogs. Apparently, babytalk magazine featured a nursing infant on the cover of their current issue. What's more, the infant was attached to a visible breast. Readers were appalled, as shown in the following quote:

"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine."

Conservatives object to breasts exposed in the context of breastfeeding for reasons that run along the lines of "Because breasts are dirty". Conservatives do a great job of compartmentalizing and condemning the female body. Liberals object to the conservatives' "prudish" perspective and express wonder that anyone would be offended.

Why is everyone missing the point? In our society, breasts have been completely co-opted for heterosexual men's pleasure. (Reminder: only heterosexual men matter in our society.) Breasts are for arousing and getting men off. Look at this quote:

"There is a real puritanical streak in America," Moran told AFP. "You see celebrities practically baring their breasts all the time and no one seems to mind in this sort of sexual context.

"But in this very natural context of feeding your child, a lot of Americans are very uncomfortable with it."

Moran is right on both counts. Of course this viewpoint is ridiculous, not to mention sick. But it is an accurate reflection of how things are in society. We don't object to women showing skin as long as they do it in a sexually provocative manner. Women showing part or all of their breasts in a way that gives hetero men erections are following the dictates of their assigned roles, even serving with distinction!

But let a women expose a breast to feed her child, and the sanctions come out. Why is anyone surprised by this? Protests come not just from discomfort with nudity. Breastfeeding violates what breasts are for. I'll restate the fact: breasts exist for the sexual pleasure of heterosexual men. So it should be no surprise that we only object to displaying breasts when it's a baby's satisfaction at stake.

Think I'm wrong? Have a look around the liberal blogosphere. Check out the comments made by male liberals. In addition to condemning the prudishness of Americans, men were compelled to state just how lovely that breast on the cover of babytalk is-so perky, so full. One man even expressed envy, oh how he'd love to be that baby!

See? Breastfeeding is acceptable if the boob in question makes men hard.

A Book Meme

2006-08-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by tng for the really fun book meme! The impossible part of this meme is that you can only select one book for each category. This activity is really difficult, but very enjoyable since you get to think about important books.

1. One book that changed your life?
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Kay Redfield Jamison
I know this choice will seem horrible/morbid/depressing, but it isn't. This book changed my life for the better. The overall look at suicide was informative, but the part that qualifies it for this category was Jamison's coverage of Meriwether Lewis (of the Lewis and Clark expedition across America fame). He did fine when he was busy, even when he was too busy-pushing himself near collapse. But when he had unlimited down time, his brain would take a sharp turn into depression and it was during one of these down times that he killed himself. This book was a wakeup call (scream) to me about how I needed to structure my own life.

2. One book you have read more than once?
Watership Down by Richard Adams
I have an irrational and overwhelming love for Watership Down. It's a great story, but I think it's the greatest story of all time. The last time I read it instigated my desire to adopt a rabbit. Maybe I should have listed this book under the first category.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
The Complete Far Side by Gary Larson
I've seen people put clever books here, such as How to Build a Boat, etc. But I'm a depressive, remember? I know I'm not getting off the damn island. So I want something to keep my spirits up, something that's long, and something heavy enough to kill frightening creatures.

4. One book that made you laugh?
Remarkable Trees of the World by Thomas Pakenham
It isn't a comedy. It made me laugh in a "joyful, glad to be alive so I could see such things" way. I linked to it so you could search for some amazing pictures. I recommend entering "redwoods" and "methuselahs" in the search inside this book function.
(Thanks tng, I hadn't looked at this book in too long.)

5. One book that made you cry?
Shockwave : Countdown to Hiroshima by Stephen Walker
I cry easily at happy things, sad things, and horrific things. Most of the things that interest me make me cry. But Shockwave was just horrible, because you see how easily the attack on Hiroshima could have been averted. It's an excellent book, well-researched and well-written.

6. One book you wish had been written?
The Natural History, Ecology, and Behavior of the Spanish Mustang
There is at least one great book out there on Mustangs in general, but it's not an exhaustive source on this one horse breed.

7. One book you wish had never had been written?
The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance by Laurie Garrett
It's a great book, well worth reading. But it lit a fire under my tail and sent me on a self-destructive path into and through graduate school. If not for this book, I might have wised up sooner and decided to do something else when I grew up.

8. One book you are currently reading?
Women, Race, and Class by Angela Davis
I actually just finished it. If you haven't read this book yet, by all means get it and get started. Davis pulled together so many sources, and she gives a comprehensive treatment of racism in the women's movement (the "first wave", the women's suffrage movement).

9. One book you have been meaning to read?
A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
I have carried this book with me for years, and moved it from state to state. I kept it so long, that a new edition came out. Now I'm carrying the new edition around. Other books keep getting priority, while this poor book just keeps getting more dusty. It's widely recognized to be an excellent book, but I'm put off by very long books.

10. Now tag five people. I tag:
Amy at Feminist Reprise
Kaka at Kaka Mak
Hexy at Hexpletive
Witchy-woo at Well, I'll go to the foot of my stairs...
Pippa at One Salford Feminist

"I'm a hateful moron, and it's YOUR job to fix me."

2006-08-02T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've avoided writing about Mel Gibson because I despise him and life is short. His latest apology, however, has sent me over the edge:

"I'm not just asking for forgiveness," Gibson said. "I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one-on-one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing."

Mel's privilege really seems to be acting up. When you spew hate-filled venom about a group of people, you apologize as a first step. You then take action to address the hate you feel, unearned benefits you have relative to the group you attacked, and the inequality of the situation. There is one thing, however, that you do not do.

You do not place the burden for your atonement and education onto the group you have just attacked.

As long as people refuse to acknowledge this, they won't make any real progress. Mel claims he doesn't really hate Jews. Now, c'mon Jews, figure out this mess for him. Saying you're sorry is necessary, but not sufficient, to move beyond hate and continued harm.

As long as we're on the topic of making amends, when is Mel going to apologize for calling the female police officer "sugar tits"? Don't worry, I'm not holding my breath.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-07-31T00:08:00.000-07:00

Andrea Yates Found Not Guilty!

2006-07-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, Andrea Yates receives a fair verdict: not guilty by reason of insanity.

I blogged about Andrea Yates here. Her story is sickening. Her children weren't the only ones who were lost. Due to a husband who pushed her to get pregnant in spite of warnings that she could become psychotic, and negligent medical care, Andrea Yates became severely ill and killed her children. She will never be the same, the children are dead, and the whole thing could have been easily prevented.

There's bad news along with the good: an (unscientific) poll shows that 62% of people believe she should have been found guilty because she knew what she was doing. The lack of understanding about mental illness does tangible harm. If people appreciated mental illness for what it was, an illness rather than a moral failing, maybe someone would have stepped in and helped Andrea. Maybe if there was a widespread understanding of mental illness, medical doctors wouldn't abandon patients. Maybe if there was a widespread understanding of mental illness, this would never happen again.

I don't think any understanding of mental illness would have prevented Rusty Yates from pressuring Andrea to get pregnant. He was advised that she was ill, and that pregnancy would harm her. He didn't care. He wanted another child, consequences be damned. Maybe if we valued a woman's life as much as we valued a man's desires, someone would have helped Andrea. Maybe someone would have convinced her that her health mattered.

Andrea Yates will be committed to a mental hospital. I hope that she finally gets the help she needs. I hope she can recover and find peace.

What Is the Bipolar View Like?

2006-07-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

It sucks. I hate rollercoasters. Real rollercoasters make me vomit; mood rollercoasters make me miserable.

I'm bipolar II, meaning that I alternate between clinical depression and hypomania when I'm sick. Hypomania consists of increased energy, decreased need for sleep, increased self-confidence, racing thoughts, distractibility, increased activity, and impulsiveness. Sounds pretty good, right? When teaching about this, I always said "Imagine the best you've ever felt". What a stupid, stupid thing to say. Hypomania can be euphoric, as my episodes always were: "It feels so good to be alive!" But it also can be dysphoric: extreme irritability, an inability to hold still, and feeling as if you're going to come out of your skin because your body is so tense and you can't be still. If I ever teach again (that's the depression talking) I'll be sure to explain that a little better.

I've been having health problems, and my psychiatrist decided to try to help me by increasing my dose of Effexor, my antidepressant. Higher doses help relieve pain, and for several days I experienced almost no pain! However, antidepressants can be dangerous for people with bipolar disorder. I started pacing and frantically starting projects, only to switch to a different project midway through. Monday Bunny Blogging showed pictures of Bumble in the now-clean closet under our stairs. That closet was a nightmare-crap piled up to the ceiling, and you couldn't get anything in or out. I moved everything, cleaned everything and got rid of stuff. I did other projects. I ran errands. My husband begged me not to overdo it, after all I have laid in bed for the last 3 months. I couldn't stop. It would be three o'clock in the morning and I'd shake if I didn't let myself move. I was so irritable I was yelling at my husband (for daring to ask me if I'd had lunch, the bastard), my books, characters on tv (well duh, they deserve it), and I was even pissed off at Bumble. He didn't come over to eat his hay like usual and I was pissed. Don't worry, I did not yell at him, and we do not punish him. Still, mad at Bumble?!

buzz buzz buzz went me, and then I CRASHED. Hard. Depression is always awful, but plunging into it from a heightened state was even more painful. Right on cue, the death thoughts appeared (I am not yet suicidal). I called my psychiatrist today, and he wanted me off that higher dose pronto. High dose effexor wiped out my pain. Hypomania wiped out my fatigue (and seemed to wipe out the mental confusion, but I'm not trusting that). Now I'll be saying goodbye to the higher dose and hypomania, but hello to pain and fatigue.

I'm very proud of myself. I've been reading blogs and I put a moratorium on commenting until I was out of this (which may be the end of the week) extreme irritability. I didn't think any of you needed me starting a flame war over something unreasonable: "Only stupid people would spell it 'grey' instead of 'gray'!"

And I promise that I'm trying to get to real posting again sometime soon. Otherwise I'm going to rename this stinking blog "The Whiney and Complainy View of the Sick One". Did I mention how much I've been on my own nerves? You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-07-24T00:41:00.000-07:00

Bumble helped me clean the closet under the stairs.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-07-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

Rabbits like close quarters, so I decided to add a roof to one of Bumble's favorite spots. It was a big hit, creating a safe and snug area to lie in. But Adventure Bunny couldn't leave it alone.

The roof wasn't very sturdy, and he started to eat it, so I had to remove it. Now he feels less secure from birds of prey.

Spoonless

2006-07-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today I was attempting to do what I used to do every day: read every blog on my blogroll and then a few more. Realizing that I'd never make it even halfway through the list of blogs, I was so glad that Goldfish starts her blog under the letter D, so that I got to it before quitting. Because this post on spoons helped me:

Spoon Theory is basically the idea that those of us with limited energy have so many spoons we can use every day, and every single activity uses up so many spoons. The things which other people take for granted like getting dressed or washed or making a snack all use up spoons. And once you have run out, you have run out, so life with these sorts of impairments necessitates careful planning and a constant reassessment of activity and energy levels.

This is such a helpful and adaptive way to think about life. If you focus on planning and managing activities, then it's much harder to sink into that state of revulsion known as "feeling sorry for yourself". Goldfish refers readers to another post on spoon theory, but I didn't have the energy to read it. I'm sure it's excellent.

I'd like to read "my" blogs, as I haven't for awhile. The few blogs I got to today had lots of interesting and challenging posts up. But reading, let alone commenting, takes spoons. This post is taking some of my last spoons, so I'd better watch it. I left the TV on (which I never do), and when I look up from my computer screen, I see a giant tarantula moving it's terrifying mouthparts and it really freaks me out! I had better have enough spoons to walk across the room and turn that OFF.

I'm trying to read your blogs, and trying to comment, but it just isn't happening today. Maybe tomorrow, if I have more energy, and if I plan things, I'll be able to read. Now they're showing the tarantula's fangs! I'm signing off and heading for the tv. If only that Bumble knew how to work a remote.

Belated Bunny Blogging

2006-07-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

"I guess you want to know where I was yesterday."

"I was working on my fear of heights."

Crazy doesn't mean creative

2006-07-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

People characterize mental illness in one of two (not mutually exclusive) ways. Mental illness is:

1) a personal failing, a sign of weak character, and/or "Pull yourself out of it. Everyone has problems."

2) a sexy, fascinating affliction that makes the sufferer more creative and more interesting than the average boring person.

There's an excellent post that discusses the second point in terms of the public's treatment of Syd Barret here.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-07-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

Worth seeing full-size.

Making Things Better

2006-06-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

I've had it. I'm sick of the racist, clueless discussion on what we should do about illegal immigration, and the posturing over making English the national language in the U.S. We need to be focusing on making things better (thank you, bfp), not scapegoating and making things worse.

The solution to illegal immigration is not building fences and establishing English as the national language. To get to a solution, we have to examine why things are happening as they are, and then deal with those issues. That's not sexy, you can't put it in a sound bite, and it also requires treating illegal immigrants as human beings.

My solution: I'm going to learn Spanish.

This is no minor gesture. I'm not a person who can learn multiple languages easily. I took Spanish for 4 years in high school and apparently learned nothing. Giving up on my ability to learn Spanish, I took French in college. I remembered just enough Spanish to drive my French teacher up the wall. Apparently all of my articles and pronouns were coming out in Spanish.

French teacher, near tears: "spotted, this is French class. Please stop speaking Spanish!"

spotted elephant: "I'm speaking Spanish!"

So I'm going to study Spanish again. Being able to communicate with people who aren't exactly like you is a really wonderful thing. We should be encouraging Americans to learn more than one language. It can promote cognitive flexibility, decrease nationalism, and provide the opportunity for Americans to appreciate other cultures.

My Spanish studies will begin in earnest once I finish my book on HTML. I can only handle so much at a time. But I'm going to learn. My first word:

conejo

Conejo means rabbit. What a shock, huh?

Blog Disappeared!

2006-06-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

When I loaded my blog today, a white screen appeared. Now, it was very peaceful in a minimalist sort of way, but it made me very anxious. Where did my blog go? Everything was normal in my control panel-all the posts and the template were fine. I selected a new template, and things magically reappeared.

???

Now I'm off to copy my links back into my sidebar. Ah well, the light text on the dark background wasn't the best for my (and I suspect some of your) eyes.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-06-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

I foot-flick this heat! I'd never make it without my frozen Bottle Buddy.

Oh, Grow Up!

2006-06-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

Or at least knock it off.

The bile has been oozing at many blogs over Twisty's post on blowjobs. I wasn't going to post on this, and I'm still not going to address the subject, since any discussion leads to a deconstruction of the writer's sexual habits. I'm not going to talk about my sex life on the internet. This post is about the behavior of people on both sides of the issue.

Why are we so incapable of discussion? You know, one person states her opinion, the other person listens intently, then states her opinion as the first speaker listens. Then both women discuss the implications of their beliefs, possibly argue over points, and hopefully, learn from each other.

I'm posting the two most vile statements I saw in my reading on this topic. One is from a poster on the pro-blowjob side, and one is a comment from someone on the anti-blowjob side. The subject of the influence of the patriarchy on blowjobs actually is important, should be discussed, and evaluated. Instead, we get childish attacks on people with opposing viewpoints, and a terrible callousness for other people's suffering.

In a post titled "Oh yes, please tell us more about this 'Teh Sex' you speak of, oh wise asexuals!", R. Mildred writes:

(warning: attacks sexual abuse survivors)

I know I know, I was as shocked as anyone else to find out that lesbians find fellatio and penises disgusting, and while some idiot who never got over am incident of abusive sex they experienced once and has decided that, due to the wonderful combination of being frightfully dull and being too shit scared to risk being hurt again, that all sex with guys is Teh Icky and anyone who has sex with guys is trying to cozy up to the patriarchy etc…etc… *yawn*, those of us with two brain cells to rub together and an ability to actually connect in a sexually intimate way with other human beings of a male persuasion tend to be able to find ways to invite men into our beds without turning it into a threesome with the patriarchy.

In a post at Twisty's, luckynkl writes:

Well shoot, isn’t a cock hanging out of a woman’s mouth the picture that comes to mind when we think of women’s liberation?

It never ceases to amaze me how men are able to convince so many women that even the most violating and degrading of acts are “natural.” What’s next hetero girls? Allowing men to shit in your mouths because that’s what’s pleasing to him?

We need to be able to discuss difficult subjects. But no meaningful discussion will occur when people write things like the statements quoted above.

I read other people's blogs to learn from them. But the climate of discussion on blogs is hostile and hateful. Refusing to hear other perspectives leads to very limited knowledge, a limited worldview, and a constrained life.

I feel as if I'm pounding my head into the wall when I write about these issues. The people who read my blog are generally not the people who need to hear this. Oh well, I guess it just has to function as ranting.

Thank the Planet for Strong Women

2006-06-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Feminist First came up with the wonderful idea to blog about women who support us.

The woman I'm expressing thanks for today is Suzanna Rose. She taught my first women's studies course. Suzanna was my introduction to strong women. She modeled strength in everything she did. The light dawned that, no, we really didn't have to take any crap. It was a watershed moment for me.

In addition to opening my eyes and providing a great education, she stood by me through my toughest time in college. Along with two other women, I filed a formal complaint against one of the most powerful professors at the university for sex discrimination. This professor opted to neglect teaching in his introductory biology course in favor of making horrific comments about women generally, and singling out "third world" women in particular. Suzanna provided counsel and support for the duration of the case. When the hearing turned out to be a sham, and the professor was given a slap on the wrist, she consoled me that now this professor's actions were on record. In the future, things could turn out differently because we'd made things easier for other women by fighing. Those words are still with me.

Growing up without role models is extremely difficult. I was lucky enough to find a role model in my early twenties. Suzanna, thank you.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-06-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Once Bumble lies down, he's committed to remaining comfy. If he wants something, he just streeetches and grabs his bowl, or toy, and drags it to him.

One month in his new home! Still locked up in a pen at night by those mean humans.

Limits of Feminism

2006-06-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

Feminism is a huge label incorporating women of many different perspectives. Usually diversity is a positive thing. But how do you react when members of your own group are effectively fighting for the other side?

Elsa posted a comment on my last post. I posted a reply that became far too long for the comments section. Also, I believe these arguments need to see the light of day whenever they appear. They're old, they're tiresome, but they have to be addressed rather than left to stand unchallenged, so I'm posting my reply here instead.

Exploiting women (or anyone) ticks me off too:
http://greenerside.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/10/green_is_sexy_c.html

Then I'm shocked you wrote about the Vegan Vixens in a positive manner.

At a harp seal benefit

For the record, I grew up in the feminist movement, literally, marching in the front row of demonstrations and attending NOW conventions around the country as a toddler, teenager, and young adult. I've never shied from labeling myself with the "F" word.

Great. But being feminist means standing up against all oppression of women, not just when it's convenient, and not indulging in it yourself.

I agree with many of the things that you discuss (great post on the tortuga ads) but also believe that there should be room for all viewpoints as well as all body types and species to coexist.

If you liked the post on the tortuga ads, how can you object to this post? I'm making the same point in both posts!

Viewpoints that support exploiting women are not welcom. As far as body types go, I didn't mention anything about body types. Granted, there is one specific body type that's exploited in this particular manner, but that wasn't my point.

Yes, women's bodies are used to sell all sorts of things. But it's our individual choice to be upset by that, to give it more power than it deserves.

Sigh, I'm working hard to be polite, because that statement really angers me. You're saying it's ok for women to be exploited, and we just need to take a happy pill so we're not bothered by it. Just close your eyes and it will go away? No, you see WE NEED TO BE ENRAGED AT THE EXPLOITATION OF WOMEN, not shrug it off as being "not my problem".

And I'd argue that the Vegan Vixens don't cater to misogynists but to people who in some way worship women, albeit in a shallow, lightheartedly lustful way. Want misogyny? Turn on any prime time detective show where the victims are ususally young women being horrifically sliced and diced.

First of all, men who need to see women in a submissive, sexbot way are "real" misogynists. They do not worship women. If they did, women would be running countries, making top dollar, and enjoy full human rights. Those innocent men would be the ones in a subservient postition. After all, one is subservient to the object being worshipped.

Misogyny exists everywhere, and we should be fighting it everywhere. Selective attention to oppression does not work. The Vegan Vixens feed right into misogyny: we're here for male enjoyment, so go right ahead and use us.

If some women want to prance around and get their male meathead counterparts to think a different way about what they eat, who cares? Let those people carry on with their silly antics.

I care. Lots of feminists care. Exploiting women for a noble cause is wrong. Those "silly" antics have consequences for women. This is exactly the same point I made in my post on turtle eggs and sexism. You can't be selective in its application.

If you don't like that the Vegan Vixens may look like the usual thin, stereotypical pop culture "hot" women, then work to create your own alternative. Not all people even like those body types anyway.

You've missed the point by a mile. My objection isn't over the Vegan Vixens' body type. I don't want to spread the exploitation to women of all body types. I want to END the exploitation. Why are you fixated on body type when I never mentioned it?

There's no stopping a different group of women from starting their own low-budget cable channel to give a different twist on the same subject.

Again, let's spread the exploitation! After all, why should fat women miss out? Golly, sounds like fun!

In fact, I'd rather see more people prance around freely feeling as sexy as they want. Maybe there'd be more room for all types of people to feel comfortable in their own skin and for Americans to better respect nature, starting with our own bodies.

The Vegan Vixens aren't just prancing around feeling sexy. They're using their sexiness as a tool to get men's attention in order to promote veganism. That isn't self-expression, it's exploiting women's traditional role (sex object for men) to achieve another goal. That exploitation limits women.

I'll say it again: exploiting women of all body types for any purpose is wrong. Period.

My "yech" about Howard Stern refers to his pandering to the lowest common denominator and his consistent degradation of women (and therefore men too) that has no redeeming value.

Well, that's a good start.

Playboy, on the other hand, seems pretty benign when you compare it to other magazines and websites out there--and unlike Stern's show, Playboy over the years at least offers solid writers and journalism. Yeah, the old thing about the articles.

As I said before, I'm opposed to picking and choosing which types of oppression matter, because they all matter! I don't care if Playboy offers Nobel quality literature. It still puts women in the category of existing for men's pleasure. Please spend some time thinking about the consequences of that.

As for my own eating a salami sandwich, I do that maybe twice a year. Nobody's eco perfect. The world's a big place. Some of the kindest people I know, who devote their lives to helping people, are meat eaters. And some of the least pleasant people I've met are vegans. And vice versa, as it takes all types, right?

Elsa, did you read my post? Really? Because your frequent mention of body types, and now this, make me really wonder.

I didn't say anything about you eating salami. Brace yourself: I'm an omnivore. I rarely eat meat, but I do eat it. My objections to your post were centered on your endorsement of the Vegan Vixens as a positive thing for the environmental movement. It's unacceptable to exploit women to further any cause.

Green Makes Me Queasy

2006-06-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve written before about sexism in the environmental movement. Today I read a post in the Carnival of the Green that illustrates the acceptance of women’s second class status:

No cows: that's the culinary message of Tanjareen, Sky, and their fellow cleavage-busting SoCal vegan sisters. I just ran across the Vegan Vixens' show, which promotes organic cuisine and clothing. There are few better examples of people trying to sex up an eco-friendly lifestyle. (The joy of public access in the Bay area, as you never know how cable channel 29 might warp you. But this silly show is more fun than that weekly 9/11 conspiracy documenary, no matter how certain feminists might scowl.)

On their low-budget broadcast, this group of veg-obsessed models and actresses mouth kisses llamas and kitchen-dances in threesomes while frying tiny soy sausages. The vixens' brand of dairy-free cheesecake aims to convert men to beat their meat-loving ways.

It's funny that intense compassion for animals can exist alongside complete lack of compassion for women. Exploit women to save animals. Perhaps I should make this a new category on my blog?

Another interesting thing about this post is the judgment applied to where the Vegan Vixens appeared. Their appearance on Howard Stern received a "yech" from the blogger, but no criticism was forthcoming over their visit to the Playboy Mansion. Going way out on a limb, I'd say the objection is to Stern's meat-eating status, not the way he degrades women..

Vegan Vixens on the dance floor with JACK BLACK at the Playboy Mansion!!!

The Sensitive Men care oh-so-much about the furry animals. (I'm guessing they don't care for fur on their women.) Having the cognitive capacity and the willingness to think about the suffering of animals should bode well for an individual's worldview. Empathy and compassion usually expand from one area to many. But the evidence mounts, showing just the opposite. While compassion for animals is mandatory in the environmental movement, women still exist as toys for men.

Bringing up the sexism and privilege with liberal men tends not to go very well. If you have the stomach, just look at the "big" bloggers in the liberal political sphere. No criticism, no way. The women are invited along as long as they don't become a pain in the ass, as long as they remember their place.

You know what? Under these conditions, I have no desire to save the planet. We can just keep on speeding toward the cliff.

Fortunately, I'm not fighting to preserve the status quo. Fortunately, compassion and empathy often do expand and encompass all beings.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-06-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Happiness is:

- eating yummy malt-flavored hairball prevention medicine
- insisting the humans pet you while you rest your head on the plate.

Maybe the dense humans will figure out they could put more medicine on the plate. Here's an empty plate. Here's my empty mouth. Sheesh, do they need me to draw them a picture?

Hexy's New Home

2006-06-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hexy moved to a new address. It might be temporary, but please update your blogroll!

She had to make the change because of prejudice. This world we live in looks like a sewer far too often.

Radical Feminist Community

2006-06-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

[Edit: This post comes from feeling under attack on ALL fronts. Of course there's the patriarchy to battle, but I'm so tired of "radical feminist" being used as a slur at radical and liberal sites. So not just the majority of men hate us, it seems the majority of women do too.

"Ah, the radical feminist whackjobs, oh, isn't that redundant?" Too funny.

We really need each other.]

The huge fight in the rad fem blogosphere over beauty and femininity has been heartbreaking for me. Valid points have been made on both “sides”, but women are talking past each other, and we’re not treating each other with respect. I have a post I’ve been working on for days (foggy brain = slow work). I think I’m going to trash this post, as things are so tense, so angry, right now that I don’t see any good coming from posting it.

The bottom line for me in all of this is that I think of radical feminism in terms of community. I’m not throwing the word “community” around lightly. I think of us as a group working together, arm-in-arm, fighting for the most important issues. Benefits of this community include having a chance to talk with like-minded people and providing support to each other. These functions are vital as the world is truly a terrible place.

But just as vital to our community is the ability to disagree, to treat each other respectfully as we disagree, and then to move past the disagreement without allowing it to fracture our community. A group cannot function if all dissent either is suppressed or ends up destroying the bonds forged by members of the group. Are we only willing to fight alongside one another when we’re in full agreement? Don’t we have more important enemies than each other? The last thing any woman needs is other women as her enemies. Our numbers aren’t that strong. We’re far stronger together than we are apart. Can our community survive this? I think it’s worth fighting for.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-06-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

Bumble's Baby Picture:

This photo was taken when a kind person found Bumble wandering in their yard, and brought him in to the humane society. Bumble was mistakenly identified as female, and named "Becka". At 5 months old, he hadn't grown into his ears yet.

Kind Person in central Ohio, I love you.

Mr. Bumble is very, very tired, so he decided to invite two guest rabbits to co-host this edition of MBB. This is a very big deal, as Bumble does not "share".

First up is the handsome, adorable, health-conscious, and so very sweet Bam:

Bam is companion to our Hexy, and is doing a great job taking care of her while she's going through a tough time. Just look at that expression on his face!

(I'm being very pushy in posting Bam's picture. Hexy, if you mind, I'll take it down.)

Our second co-host is Mystery Bunny. Mystery Bunny shows that it isn't just horses that can take those water jumps! I admit I've lost my head for rabbits, but even I think this very, very strange.

Nope, definitely NOT Bumble.

Thank You!

2006-05-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Really, THANK YOU!

I've been in a low place. I started to read Woman Hating by Andrea Dworkin, and I couldn't process what was written on the book jacket cover, the friggin book jacket, and I started to cry. I'll take the pain, I'll take the fatigue from hell, and I'll take all the weird symptoms, but I can't handle not being able to read.

I've only been blogging since mid February of this year, so it's just amazing to me that I've already found a community of bloggers I care so much about, and who, when I'm in trouble, show up and give heartfelt support and encouragement. I read your comments and emails and started to cry, in a good way. Just thinking about your response gets me weepy, because I am so touched by your kindness.

Finding the best way to deal with these problems may take some time, so I’m focusing on learning how to be productive in spite of them. I've been reading your blogs and even commenting some. I hope to start posting somewhat regularly, but frankly, I'm a little worried about putting up posts or comments that are literally nonsense. I hope someone will tell me if I do that!

Bah, this post was supposed to be about all of you, and it ended up being me me me. I'm very annoying that way when I don't feel well.

So really, thank you so much for all of your support. It means so much to me, and it helps more than I can say.

Monday Bunny Blogging

2006-05-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

How long does a clean apartment last?

a few seconds after cleaning

a few minutes after cleaning

a few hours after cleaning

Why is being extremely messy so much fun?
1) You can make a tiara.
2) It just is.

Brain Malfunction

2006-05-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

I took this post down and edited it because the first version bothered me. I don't know if I'm going to be active in blogging or reading blogs for the next little while. I'm having health problems, but what's most upsetting is that I'm so foggy/fuzzy/whatever the opposite of clear-headed is. I can't write worth anything right now (have to re-type sentences repeatedly to be able to say what I want to say), and much, much worse, I'm having trouble reading. That's just unacceptable. I've been to many of your blogs, and I just can't process what you're saying. This situation is making me very cranky.

This fogginess has been cycling-some days are really bad, and then some days I can actually read for at least a little while. So I might not end up taking any break at all, just end up lying low when it's really bad, like today.

I want to end on a good note. Here are some pictures of beings and things that make me happy.

HAPPINESS IS:

Andrea Dworkin

the Kentia/Sentry palm

Lithobid, a non-nauseating form of lithium
(note: It doesn't induce happiness. Not being suicidal = happiness.)

Yellow, the most wonderful color

IMO, moose are one of the most under-appreciated animals.

Blogging Friends

This picture is a joke. Do you get why it's included?
(Unfortunately, it requires a knowledge of American pop culture.)