Thursday, May 04, 2006

I Offer You This Concept

Several years ago, I created an important concept, and I strongly urge you to adopt it. I present:

The Birthday Month

You are special, so you deserve to celebrate yourself, and your birthday, for one entire month! The Birthday Month is a one-month get-out-of-jail free card. It is a "Oh, you're being a royal pain in the ass, but it's your Birthday Month, so I won't call you on it" present. It also includes others doing chores for you, saying extra nice things, and letting you have the best part of their lunch. It's an idea whose time has come. Until you try it, you won't believe how much fun it is to have a Birthday Month.

I was lucky enough to be born the very last day of the month, so I get a nice, symmetrical Birthday Month. But never fear, if you were born on some other day, unfortunate one, simply celebrate for a month before your birthday. I advise against celebrating after your actual birthday. By the end of The Birthday Month, everyone is really sick of "your attitude", and only your actual birthday will compel them to be nice.

I'll say this one more time. Only one of you needs to stand by my head to provide shade. The other one should go get me a root beer and some hay. And make it snappy!

May is my Birthday Month. I've been hell on wheels already, and oh, is it fun. Try it out for yourself.


manxome said...

NO WAY! Happy birthday month to US! Why didn't you tell me about this 4 days ago? I apparently have the same perfectly symmetrical birthday month and I didn't even know to take full advantage of it in time! The next 27 days better be good!

We get to celebrate together on the big day! I'll tell Walt Whitman to bring the lithium cocktails.

cameo said...

happy month to you! milk it. i think it's a grand idea. i will steal it come october!

spotted elephant said...

Manxome! Of course we share a birthday. Both radical feminists, both bipolar, both atheists, of course we share the day. Maybe we share some genetic material too.

Yes-everyone owes you big for the last 4 days. Make sure they hop to it.

Walt Whitman will bring lithium cocktails? Oh, perfect day!

Cameo-Make sure to prepare for it. You have a whole month's worth of demands to make.

'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.
As soon as we acknowledge
this Supreme Designer/Architect,
Who has erected the beauteous
fabric of the universe, our minds
must necessarily be ravished with
wonder at this infinate goodness,
wisdom and power.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Dr. Whoami

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

hexyhex said...


Every year, I have a birthday week. I thought I was milking that birthday thing as much as I could. Now... think of it!... I could milk it for another three weeks!

Thank you, oh spotted elephant. You have opened mah eyes to thuh TRUTH!

manxome said...

SE, it's going to be a bit freaky from now on any time we find out we have something else in common. :) Genetic material? 3/4 German. The two ancestry projects I remember were both Germans from Russia settling in the Dakotas in the late 1800s. Um, and a tendency for ear pits - we have holes in the head!

Lemme check that profile of yours: I'm a snake; it says we are most compatible. Of course! :P And, dear gawd, here it is: Peter Gabriel has been my #1 for most of my freaking life. He was on NOW on PBS 2 weeks ago.

Biting Beaver said...

Ha! I LOVE this idea! Everyone better watch out for September *biggrin*

Madame DeBarge said...

Hmm, this could actually work to my advantage.
Usually, I hate having people remind me of my birthday. Not because I have a problem with aging like some of my friends, but just because it annoys me to have someone say it, and then have PERFECT STRANGERS be all "Happy Birthday".
Even though mine is an odd day, my parent's anniversary is exactly a month earlier, so I can time it that way.
Now, I'm counting down to when I can legitimately act like a princess!

spotted elephant said...

You're welcome, Hexy. A week is far too little for you!

Manxome-I'm 1/2 German. I am a pastafarian!

BB & Madame: It's all in the planning. After all, you have a whole month of wishes to develop. Start early. ;)

manxome said...

Mmm, pasta and kuchen. :)

brownfemipower said...

it is so darn time for me to have a birthday month. my husband invariably forgets my birthday every year...i need a whole birthday month for him to make up for all the day late birthday's we've celebrated...

Madame DeBarge said...

BFP-Yeah, my ex always forgot my birthday and our anniversary-they were a whopping 4 days apart, you'd think he'd remember SOMETHING!

And, my best friend's birthday is the day after mine. Think he'd remember? No.

spotted elephant said...

BFP-Considering all the forgotten birthdays, I think you deserve some two-month birthday months.

Madame-That best friend needs a kick in the pants.

le lyons said...

Ha! Awesome. I have always had a birthday week (like Hexy), but this year I believe I will take your advice and upgrade to a full month!

Happy Birthday Month to you and Manxome both! Two of my favorite people! How lovely...!

And, ironically - BB - my birthday month is September too! So, we'll have to share it! :)